Before there was Otis, Buka was a bad influence on Dog Mattingly. He was (is) a great dog mainly on account of his responsiveness to commands and broken curly tail. He didn’t need a leash when being walked in the city, and would do whatever you asked of him on the first try (although this dog was a puker. The back seat of the impala holds proof of this).
A few summers ago Jay and I took Buka and Matty to Branch Brook Park to see the cherry blossoms and let the dogs run around and smell things.
 
We found a little spot where we could lay in the sun and the dogs could prance uninterrupted by pedestrians or cyclists. This oasis was located at the bottom of a tiny ravine which was flanked on the top by roads that ran through the park. 
 
After some football tossing and stick throwing, Jay and I began to sit around and talk rather than play with the dogs. They got involved in a game of “chase” where Buka takes off and Matty tries to catch her. Buka is slow, so in games of chase, she depends on her agility. Matty was closing in on her, so Buka hung a left. She began running directly up the steep incline towards the road. She was tap dancing in the street before Jay made it all the way to a standing position. I called for Matty to come down, and he immediately did. Buka reluctantly followed him.
 
What happened next was amazing. Jay was so annoyed at Buka that he made her lay down on her side and he spanked her. He literally smacked her about 2 or 3 times on her butt. When he stopped and looked up, there was an old German couple starring at him and cracking up.
 
Clearly Buka learned nothing from this experience.

        

It’s been too long.
My sincerest apologies.
 
Otis and Buka are doing well. They are enjoying there new vacation home in Lyme Connecticut. They prance though the expansive backyard helping themselves to the all you can eat buffet of deer poop as they try to impress Jay and I with a collection of disease carrying ticks. Somehow, their tick loving willpower has rendered frontline useless.
 
These “off the leash” privileges were discussed on the first trip my immediate ( and good-looking) family made to the farm house. I’ll try and recall the dialogue as accurately as I can:
Jay: My mom said there are coyotes all over the place in Lyme.
Suzie: Ok, well let’s make sure we keep the dogs on a leash at night time
Jay: Sounds good
(fast forward to when Jay has parked the car and is opening the door to let Buka out, keep in mind it is a very dark and eerily foggy night)
Suzie: Jay, Buka chewed through her leash so you need to grab her collar before you let her out
Jay: hahahaha…bukis….
 
Please note that at this point, Buka has taken it upon herself to bolt from the car. Jay is still standing, smiling, laughing at the destroyed leash.
 
Understandably, Buka was anxious to stretch her little legs and stumpy tail, and who better to do it with then what we thought was a pack a coyotes up to no good. On account of the fog, it was difficult making anything out past 10 feet, but the light from the house up the road provided just enough reflection to see Buka’s shadow running off among other large creatures…away from the house she has only visited once before.
 
Eventually Jay’s smile faded to a panicked grimace. The (commonly heard) screams for Buka began. I ran inside and turned all the lights on, knowing how much Buka loves wasted electricity, hoping my irreverence for the energy crisis would bring her back to us.
 
I’m not really sure there is a way to accurately impress upon you how terrified Jay was. There was a look in his eye that made me feel that if we didn’t find Buka, Jay would NEVER be right again. He was more than desperate. It twisted your heart to see.
 
He turned and yelled for me to get in the car and go look for her. I (with a very nervous Otis at my heels) ran into the car and made the slowest K turn in history. Otis was sitting shot gun. We pulled out of the driveway and left Jay, standing in the unlit country road, screaming Buka’s name.
 
I followed the road along side the pasture (front lawn?) that I last saw Buka’s shadow. I was honking and screaming her name (not at the same time). I rolled Otis’ window down and he whimpered and barked for Buka.
 
It was very dark and foggy, so I drove around 2 miles per hour. I hung my head out the window so my voice would carry farther. I drove for around 15 minutes on this road, and finally decided to turn around. I couldn’t hear Jay at all. I was praying he had her.
 
I pulled into a dirt road to turn around, and I see glowing eyes and the outline of flat ears tailing behind the car slowly. Otis made a happy bark welcoming his sister.  Buka tried to jump in the car through the open window…unsuccessfully. I stopped the slow moving car and let her in.
 
I flew back to the farm. I rolled the windows up for fear of Buka trying to get out, so Jay didn’t hear my screams of “I have her”…he was still in the road calling her name. I finally pulled my motor skills together and coordinated speaking with rolling the window down. I told him I had her. Jay’s reaction was priceless. I am NOT exaggerating. He placed his hands to his heart and buckled at the knees. I thought he was going to fall to the ground in thanksgiving.
 
Despite the previous nights scare, Jay let Buka go first thing in the morning, but ths time she stuck around. She realized their was ample poo in the backyard to snack on.
 
It must be nice to be a Buka, you get to do whatever you want and are unconditionally adored by all.

        

In order to maintain the life Otis and Buka have become accustomed to, I have switched jobs and find myself much much busier during the day. My apologies. In addition to this new job, I have picked up a new hobby. Otis and Buka were becoming fat (much like their chubby mother and father) so I have been taking the dogs running. We have been doing 2-3 mile runs about 3 times a week. Otis, being a seasoned city dog, seems fine with trekking along side at whatever pace I decide to set. He stops to pee but that’s understandable. He is, after all, a dog. Buka, on the other hand is not a runner. She is more interested in jumping and hiding behind things, chasing squirrels or leaves, biting her brother or cousins, but not jogging. ..also understandable. She takes after her dad. I run the dogs in a park around the corner. Its not quite dodgy, but I wouldn’t run there without the dogs at night. This park has a few places where I can let the dogs off the leash to run and chase things that move…or don’t move…or their tails. Much to the chagrin of the dogs, on our jogs, they do not get these opportunities. They have to run on the leash right next to me. So 2 weeks ago, buka was dragging behind like usual (she slows down or digs her paws into the ground in protest….Buka is not the “workout” type). I yanked on her collar to move her along, and we were back to our normal pace when I feel something on the back of my shoes, it felt like I was running through branches. I almost fell, caught my balance, then turned to see a smirking Buka aggressively biting the backs of my pants. I think I heard her laugh at me. Needless to say, the run ended there. I let Buka off her leash and she ran around happily. Buka 1, Suzie 0.

        

The very first date I went on with Jay, we parted ways on the corner of 6th and Jersey Ave. He had a crush on me. In fact, he had tried to kiss me. My ninja like reflexes and untouchability proved too much for my handsom suitor, and he was left standing on the corner. I walked away confident and thrilled. I felt like I had the upper hand. As I turned to make some coy remark, I lost focus of where I was stepping. I landed in a 6 inch pile of dog poop.
I immediately texted Jay to inform him that I had stepped in dog crap. The facade was broken. I was no longer cool. From then on, Jay has lovingly referred to me as "Poo Shoe".

Last week, I wore an adorable outfit to work. I had on my fancy Banana boots and a sweater that Jay got for me. I returned from work to walk the dogs under the Turnpike. Its a great park (despite the looming fear of an off course car speeding towards me from above). As we rounded the far corner, i felt a slippery smoosh under my right foot...it was poop. In order to maintain my balance, I had to plant my left foot behind me. I thrust said foot down behind me to keep from falling over. I was stable. I looked down to see the damage on my boot, only to discover that both my feet were covered in poop... judging fro the size of the piles, it was from a big dog. I was a double poo shoe.

I had to do the poop-wipe walk the entire way home on both feet. I felt like i was trying to do a forwards moonwalk, and failing at it. I would also like to add, that Otis and Buka were not helping the cause.

Please pick up the Poops

        

What’s a Buka? 

With her ape like eyes and hypocritical love of water, she is less a dog and more a mystery creature. She eats paint and does’t die! She can’t contain herself from jumping in circles when she is standing on sand.  She grunts like a pig, as if misinformed about the sounds dogs are supposed to make. But these are only mildly strange idiosyncrasies on the general scale of why Buka is so incredibly bizarre. Found by Jay and Meag in the bowels of Long Island, she sat, alone and disinterested in her cage. She was riddled with perpetual eye boogers and kennel cough. She had a sinus infection that created an everflowing  golden river of snot from her cold black nose. She was something to behold…yet when Jay and Meag pitied her at the shelter, she didn’t seem to notice. Had other puppies been present (yes, Buka was the last puppy left – the last kid picked on the dodge ball team) those other dogs would have been eagerly yapping, turning their cute pupy charm to maximum force, but that was not Buka’s strategy. She played Meag and Jay like two suckers. She could have cared less, and with that, she becamethe irreplaceable love of Jay’s life, and the dog who gets away with whatevershe wants.

Buka’s charms come out at the most convenient times,rendering her forgiven for all mishaps, and invited to all family functions.

She is welcome wherever she wants to go: a dog celebritywhose aloofness only drives her adoring public wild. SHe is the Salinger of dogs, but without the drama.

She Likes:

Jumping after smoke. She thinks she can catch it providing hours of entertainment for onlookers

Eating her kibble on piece at a time, and to Buka, it is always a buffet. I frequently vacuum the bedroom only to find pieces of dog kibble spread out to satisfy her late night cravings

Sneezes: Nothing is more pleasing to Buka’s ears than the sound of a sneeze. She walks directly to you after you sneeze, and will climb up to your face, pawing at you for more.

Fake Jumping: If you say the word “Walk” Buka slams her paws down as if she is about to jump on you, then sort of slightly hops, leaving you both feeling let down.

Dirty Water: Not to be confused with clean water – Buka has swam in what is essentially the toilet bowl of the Hudson River, but will dodge any sprinkler or shower water at all costs, resulting in messy and smelly wresteling matches to clean off whatever gross thing she rolled in

Toes: do not wear open toed shoes around Buka unless you are comfortable getting them thoroughly licked with creepy enthusiasm. Toes are a delicacy to this dog and she cannot contain herself. She has no shame and has never met  a toe that she would refrain from licking. If she is jonesing for some toes and there are no barefeet to be found, she resorts to licking Jay’s flip-flops. She also satisfies her cravings with the inside of Otis’s ears and occasionally his jowls.

Sleeping on you: Buka does not cuddle, nor does she acknowledge your existence if you are sleeping. She will lie directly on your face / knees / chest. It is all the same. I have watched her sleep directly on Otis’s head.

Biting Ankles: That’s her go to move. Despite the fact thatit’s a total cheap shot, its hilarious when it works. She goes for the legs while you are walking down the stairs. It usually doesn’t end well.

Her Dad: Buka loves Jay almost as much as Jay loves Buka. I was walking the dogs down the block today and we happened upon Jay as he was returning from work.  He was a few blocks away, I barely could tell that it was him walking towards us, but Buka sensed her human soul mate was near and began pulling so desperately it broke my heart to hold such passion back. When Jay was about 30 feet away, I let her go and she ran (in that weird sideways way) right into Jay’s arms. She actually smiled and did a few spins…then rolled in something gross and tried to eat poop.

 

She is either the smartest dog I have ever met, or severely disabled,but I suppose genius is never straight forward.

Such is the chow/lab/schnauzer i suppose. 

 

 

        

 
In a more perfect world, I would live someplace with a massive yard, unlimited funds and I would have an athletic build.
Unfortunately, this world is not perfect, I am chubby, and my backyard is inadequate for housing another dog.
This leaves me in a dilly of a pickle, in that I have fallen in love with Butler. He is smart, funny and already house broken! What else can you want from a dog? Well in case you did require other things, Butler is up to date on his shots and he has already been "altered" (I hate euphemisms, they are creepier than the words they attempt to soften).
Additionally, he gets on well with other dogs. 
 
What truly drew me to this dog was the amazing photo that was posted on petfinder. He has such charisma! (Watch out Sampson!) And the bright blue wall in the background was fantastic. The lighting was a little off, but I can't expect every photo to look like it was taken by Jay (who really is outstanding, and might I had, incredibly hot)
He just looks like a good time. But you can't judge a book / dog by its cover / coat, so perhaps a meet and greet is in order. Someone, anyone, please…adopt Butler so I can hook him up with Buka…or Otis!

PS - George is still looking for a place to live, so spread the word

        

We piled into the caravan and onto the road, reaching the Catskill's at the ripe hour of 9 pm. The hounds were released, the cars unpacked, and the refrigerator stocked to capacity, with its surplus being stored on the porch outside.

        

Thanks to PetsBlog for recognizing Otis&Buka on their blog! I know I might be a tad cheesy, but I feel like a proud mom seeing my dog's photos up on the big screen (computer screen of course). I am so excited that Otis and Buka have been recognized and their hijinx are bringing smiles to many readers.

The kind words are wildly appreciated, and Otis & Buka are going to have celebratory hot dogs for dinner.

Also, check out their post about dog training tips; I wish I had read this one earlier.

Best part about the PetsBlog review: what's a Buka!?

Check back soon and I will be sure to shed some more light on Buka and her mysterious origins.